DieselFishieLeaks

Recently, Team Manager Christie read a ridiculous business book that preaches the need for transparency when making leadership decisions. Her Majesty’s first step in the long march towards “openness and accountability” (whatever) was ordering me to disclose all of the questions people have recently asked me about DieselFish’s day-to-day operations. But I don’t have time for this new age, “I’m OK, you’re OK” nonsense. It would take an eternity just to type everything out. So in the interest of time and my sanity, I’ve provided just the answers. Here you go, my dear:

1) Tuesday and Thursday nights from 6-8pm and Saturday mornings from 10am-noon at 1450 Maple Street in Redwood City.
2) Yes they are. We get a lot of compliments about them.
3) Not a whole lot ever since he was deported. All my chat sessions with him start the same way: “YR NOT A COP R U? COS IF U R, U HAVE TO TELL ME, EH?”
4) The CDBA ones work just fine. Trust me.
5) Surprisingly, many of us can’t. But shame on you if you never learned how. I’m surprised you’re still alive.
6) It’s pronounced, “diesel fish,” not “die selfish.”
7) Sorry, she’s long gone. But every now and then, when the planets are aligned just right and the bloom is on the sage, she returns. I hope you get to meet her – she’ll change your life.
8) We're going to Long Beach and Boston. I'm still salty that the Leadership Committee nixed my suggestion for Tijuana again.
9) Head Coach Birk and George Steinbrenner.
10) Yes, even when it rains. It’s a brisk, life-affirming experience.
11) Sometimes you get the race, sometimes the race gets you. And sometimes, during the race, you fall off the front, get run over by the boat, and then get smacked on the head by ten rows of paddles.
12) Yes! They are great paddlers and even greater people. It’s obvious why we did it. I still can’t figure out why they did.
13) If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn’t be at home writing this dragon boat blog entry, would I? I’d be at a dance club or one of those “fusion” lounges. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s the population we pull from. Maybe they’re just not into us.
14) Almost four years now.
15) You’ll have to prove you can count to ten. If you fail, off to the engine room you go!
16) You need to train and get sponsored. Then, you have to pass both a classroom and a practical exam.
17) Bite your tongue, drybag. My recipe is delicious, and you’re not being fair. If Ferran Adrià or Grant Achatz did it, you’d call it a whimsical gastronomic trompe l’oeil. But when I do it, it’s considered childish and disgusting. No respect…
15) By now, they’re okay with it. It has become amusing, and they appreciate all the business the rest of the team gives them.
16) You find a really big balloon and then tell the new guy it’s his turn to take one for the team.
17) It doesn’t make us any faster, but it leads to more interesting conversations.
18) BOO! PICK A SIDE.
19) That was one of our many brushes with celebrity. We hope it works out. We should have hired a stylist and a makeup artist to improve our image. I know for sure that the crew didn’t practice all the cute facial expressions and gestures that I taught them.
20) People on the team also enjoy basketball, running, skiing, snowboarding, swimming, and bar trivia. Our bar trivia team is actually getting to be very good.

CONTEST: Try to guess the questions! The winner gets a DieselFish prize. Email your entries to dieselfishcaptain at gmail by 4/15/11.

Hello Internet friends! Doesn’t dragon boat racing with DieselFish sound like fun? Go to http://dieselfish.org/ now to sign up for a free practice session!